1. A texted “MWAH” actually is a kiss and not an evil laugh.
Did you know that MWAH in texting language is a kiss? For the longest time my ex-husband would send a MWAH and it would irritate the hell out of me as I thought it was an evil laugh, like mwah-ah-ah-ah-ah. Confused as to the hilarity of the subject at hand and yet annoyed with the ill regards to my feelings I would often reply saying “your unbelievable!!” only he thought I was really saying he was unbelievable as in amazing.
It’s a wonder as to why we are now divorced. MWAH 😛
2. Atco Gas and Atco Electric are in fact two very different bills and yet the same colour, salmon pink.
My first phone call to them was a complaint that I was being mailed twice. They apologized and said they would look into it.
After being threaten with a blue coloured bill saying my services were going to be cut off” – which I would like to note got my attention, my second phone call went something like this:
“Is the economic downfall that grievous that Atco is unable to afford to tint one a darker color than the other….or even yet go with a completely different colour like yellow for electricity, that way when I see a yellow bill I know it’s to turn my lights on, and when I see a red bill it’s to heat my home……just saying is all. There is no way in God’s green earth that I am the first to complain about this.”
Atco chick: “Well ma’am…….”
Me: “Whoooooa. Hold up with the Ma’am. I am NOT that old.”
Atco Chick: “Well Ms. Harder, they do have different account numbers and totals on the bill…”
Me: “Ya, I know. AFTER I saw that I was being mailed twice, I thought I was being billed twice…….you really need to make these things idiot proof. It would help your accounts receivable dept.”
Atco Chick: (long pause……) “I will file as a customer suggestion box”
Me: “You do that.”
Two years later….they are still salmon pink.
3. Never speed in a school zone.
I once was pulled over by a cop because I was speeding in a school zone, not wearing a seat belt AND I didn’t have my driver’s licence on me as I was hurrying back home to get my purse.
I got a warning. SIDE NOTE: I once dated a cop who was super pissed that I walked away without a ticket and I think I might be on a hit list now or something…..:)
So naturally I asked to get out of my vehicle. They nodded eyeing me up cautiously.
So then I asked…… “Can I hug you?” as I opened up my arms and stepped in and chanced an embrace.
They hugged back.
The comment I got after that was “in 23 years, I’ve never had someone ask to hug me.”
4. Never play with matches…….or Molotov Cocktails
So I burned my parents’ home down when I was a kid playing with matches……but my brother almost started a forest fire using a Molotov cocktail.
5. Just because it’s dark out, doesn’t mean it’s late……And Always have your cell phone charged.
Never attempt to go shopping at Los America’s in San Diego alone, while taking the train during rush hour and via a mass stampede of people be herded to the border crossing while attempting to enter Mexico and to have the border guard say:
Me in a nervous giggle: “Ola Mr. Officer. I don’t have my passport, I’m actually just looking for the mall………”
Border Guard rolling his eyes: “Over the bridge and follow the path”
So off I went shopping only to have my cell phone die soon after. It was getting dark and I was panicking as I thought it had to be close to 9 so I asked around at the best way back to my hotel and my phone was dead to call a cab.
So off I went with my mass of shopping bags. Alone. On the train. With no cell phone. By the time I made it back to my hotel it was only 7 pm which annoyed me as I didn’t think about their days are not as long as ours in the summer.
6. Never let a working girl rent a room off you
I’ve learnt that my definition of “working” meant actively employed and paying taxes and yet another’s definition of “working” meant cash only and in the darkness of the night. That’s a whole other blog.
7. Never enter a provincial court building packing a “weapon.”
I go to the court building to pay a fine and as I walk up to the security station which had a cluster of serious good looking men in uniform, I flash my smile as I take off my purse and place it into the bin for it to go through the x-ray machine. I then proceeded through the archway with success and I look to my left and see the security guard staring intently at my bag. I could hear the belt move back and forth.
Guard: “is that a knife?” Upon hearing this, curiosity now spreads to the entire group of good looking security guards and they all look at me.
Me (sheepishly): “ohhhh oopsie! Ya, so funny thing – I didn’t even think about that.”
The good looking security guard has me open my purse and I pull out my wad of keys that has a little self defence “key chain” (wink-wink) aka billy club, attached to it. A Swiss army knife (which by the way is extremely useful) AND my present my dad bought me for Christmas, a rather large bedazzled knife.
As they stare at me searching for an explanation and in what I like to think comical disbelief.
I smile my smile and bat my eyelashes and I say the truth:
“I use it for cutting my bananas and spreading my peanut butter, its super handy.”
Still this was a super awkward moment…..
Me; “Ok so this isn’t awkward (I’m lying)……. How about you gentlemen keep those things while I go over here and pay my bill? BUT I want those back!!!!” I point at them and smile. I was guessing asking for a picture might have been pushing the limit so I bit my lip and moved along…..quickly.
I got them back.
I had more but I was advise to maybe save those for later……like a book 🙂